Be Your Own Counsellor

by Dainow Sheila

In order to have control, you must understand yourself and the situation:

• what's happening now? what's not?
  
• what are others doing / not doing?
  
• what are you thinking?
  
• what are you feeling?
  
• what are you doing?
  

• what do you prefer to be doing and happening?
  
• what will you do if you're succeeding?
  
• how are you going to start?
  
• what's different?
  
• worst case scenarios?
  
• how you might sabotage yourself?
  

Not Expressing yourself!

• unclear (eg cause, specific areas, "because")
  
• vague pronouns (eg it, they, him etc --> WHAT?)
  
• vague verbs (eg I feel hurt --> HOW? WHERE?)
  
• vague pronouns (eg the problem is too big --> WHAT? WHERE? HOW?)
  
• absolutes (eg never, always)
  
• unnecessary limits (eg it's impossible)
  
• generalisations (eg all bosses are evil)
  
• shifting responsibilities
  
• mind reading ( expecting others to do / know something)