Drop the Pink Elephant

by Bill McFarlan

"Don't think of a pink elephant!"

- often, the "don't" word would disappear, leaving you with a clear picture of a pink elephant...

What is a pink elephant?
->an unnecessary, and normally vivid negative image
--> Drop the Pink Elephant!! Stick to positives

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Section 1 : Dump the Baggage and Create Clarity
1. Drop the Pink Elephant

• describe what is happening, rather than denying what you believe is someone else's perception
  

2. Every Picture Tells a Story

• speak in vivid pictures to paint clear descriptions
  
• avoid vague concepts that are difficult to picture
  
• use analogies to turn abstract concepts into clear pictures
  

3. Keep it Simple, Stupid

• keep your message simple to have the best chance of being understood
  
• take to all jargon and TLAs (three-letter-abbreviation)
  
• Avoid talking above or below your audience's level. Talk to them. Talk at their level
  

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Section 2 : Be Principled in What You Say
3. Staying on the Highway (not into the marsh)

• retain the moral high ground by remaining patient and polite
  
• be sure of your facts and use only polite explanation
  

4. Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

• to be wrong hurts us deeply. It shakes our self-confidence, and makes us doubt our ability. But the truth may well be that we are simply wrong
  
• saying "sorry" is the best way to start rebuilding confidence in your relationship
  
• people respect those who have the courage to apologise, and lose respect for those who pretend to be infallible
  
• 3 Rs - Regret, Reason, Remedy
  
  • Apology, Explanation and Solution
    
  • This manages expectations, which must then be met
    

6. Tell the Unpalatable Truth, Rather than the "White" Lie

• differentiate between 'Fact' and 'Opinion'
  
• the truth can be defined by how far you're willing to go to establish a fact
  
• the truth is reality; a lie is a figment of the imagination
  
• once a lie is discovered, you're a liar
  

7. Thank You and Well Done

• demonstrates appreciation
  
• raises self-confidence and also the person you're thanking
  
• builds loyalty, while the lack of recognition builds indifference
  
• when someone thanks you, accept his / her gratitude with good grace. Put it in your "bank" and watch your confidence grow
  

8. Who Looks Stupid When You Criticise in Public?

• criticism in public often tells more about you than your target
  
• what is the greater crime? to get a fact wrong, or to leave your partner, friend or colleague angry, upset or embarrassed? (unless the mistake leads to confusion / misinterpretation)
  
• criticism
  
  • constructive - to be delivered in private, only if you can suggest a better way of doing something
    
  • destructive - destroys confidence and turn them into critics themselves
    

9. Avoid Sarcasm

• use humour well --> how? directed inwards!!
  
• a remark is only funny if the audience finds it funny (not yourself)
  
• self-depreciating humour will usually win an audience on your side
  
• sarcasm can be witty, or gratuitously vicious
  

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Section 3 : Positively Assert yourself
10. Flush out the Watering-Down Words

• don't depreciate yourself. Take credit!
  
• remove words that dilute your message eg "quite", "relatively", "hopefully", "fairly" etc
  
• "I think" ---> "I believe" ---> "(none)"
• changes from opinion to belief statement to a fact/challenge/commitment
  
• "I'll try" and "try my best" means INACTION!! =X= "I'll"
  
• "I'll do my best" ... my best =X= your best ...
  
• assume? check!! it'll save lots of trouble and potential embarrassment
  

11. Talk Positively About Yourself

• "How are you?" --- "surviving" -> "not bad" -> "very well"
  
• tells people about your self-esteem (and you may happen to know that most people don't really want to know how your kitchen pipe leaks etc..)
  
• start describing your life positively and watch the interest grow
  
• be positive and proactive in the face of bad news. By breaking the news, you remain in control what's being said first
  

12. Yes; No; I don't know..

• "yes" is a powerful word
  
• avoid being evasive, where possible begin an answer with "yes", "no" or "I don't know"
  
• "no" is the correct answer when you need to assert what you want
  
• "I don't know" is the honest answer to many questions. Remember to add what you know
  

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Section 4 : Think of the Audience
13. It's all relative

• for anything to be interesting, we need to relate to it
  
• what's interesting to us may be boring to our audience
  
• puts a problem in perspective to see how small it really is --> Richard Carlson - "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"
  
  • (A plate is smashed in the kitchen; some people get very upset about such situations. But considering that either you will outlast the plate or vice versa, which would you rather happen?)
    

14. E-mail and Text - Bullets or Boomerangs

• e-mails travel faster than bullets, so be certain of what you're saying before pulling the trigger
  
• consider how your e-mail would look on the front page of a newspaper, because it could end up there
  
• remember that words look harsh when tone and body language are absent
  

15. The Queen's English

• writing for the eye to read VS writing for the ear to hear
  
• conversational English makes a speech or presentation much easier to follow
  
• the misuse of words can be an obstacle to understanding
  
• we all can have accents; stop being too self-conscious about yours
  

16. Three Little Questions

1. What do I want to say?
   
2. Who am I talking to?
   
3. So how should I explain it?

• always have a few points ready
  
• consider your audience and their interests
  
• arrange your bullet points in order of importance
  

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Section 5 : Create Deeper Understanding
17. Listen First to Understand

• listen carefully to the person you're talking to
  
• take a genuine interest in what they say to widen your understanding
  
• contribute to the conversation in meaningful way, rather than just waiting to butt in
  

18. Pay Attention to Percentages

• 55% - by the body language
  38% - by the tone of the voice
  7% - by words
  
• body language accounts for 55% of the message, so make sure your eye contact in particular underlines what you're saying, rather than undermining it
  

19. Powerful Words

• powerful words can sum up a situation better than loose thoughts
  
• they can inspire you to succeed and to act in the knowledge that others have gone there before you
  
• words have to be consistent with your actions. Otherwise they're just words
  

20. Think, then Talk, then Act

21. Now Tell The World

• put the Highway Code rules of communications into action every day
  
• allow your confidence to grow from the certainty they bring to your words, your thoughts and actions
  
• tell the world what you have to offer. It can mean the difference between success and failure, happiness and frustration, even life and death